


when you love someone

by jo1



Category: JO1 (Japan Band), Produce 101 (Japan TV)
Genre: 5 Times, Fluff, High School, Love Confessions, M/M, brief mentions of junki & kosuke, but it's like 1 line so im not adding them as characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23705263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jo1/pseuds/jo1
Summary: Four times Ruki says no, and the one time he changes his mind.
Relationships: Shiroiwa Ruki/Yonashiro Sho
Comments: 14
Kudos: 38





	when you love someone

**Author's Note:**

> [the mv that inspired the title](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWQ1xOfUNYQ)

"I like you."

The classroom is empty, quiet. The sun is beginning to set, and it paints the desks and walls a warm orange. Sho thinks its pretty, but it pales in comparison to the boy standing in front of him. 

"You like me," Ruki repeats, eyes widened ever so slightly, and Sho nods. He leans his broom against a desk — the two had been on after-school cleanup duty, after all — and stands up a little straighter. Rolls his chest back. Hopes this impromptu bravado will convince the shorter boy to accept.

"Yeah, I like you. In a not friend way." Sho rubs his neck with his hand and tries to keep his face passive when he notices Ruki's eyes following the movement. "I have for a while now, actually."

Ruki looks down, frowning. Sho watches as he plays with his fingers, constantly locking and separating them. _It's cute_ , he thinks, before he can stop himself. "I'm sorry, Sho," he finally says, and Sho feels his heart drop into his stomach. "I'm not sure I feel the same way."

"You're not sure?" Sho raises an eyebrow, but Ruki doesn't look up. 

"I'm not interested," Ruki states plainly, and takes a deep breath, letting his fingers fall. "I'm flattered, but I — I'm afraid I don't feel the same way."

"Sure," Sho shrugs, picking the broom up again. "Don't worry about it, man."

"It must have taken a lot of courage."

"Wasn't nothing."

"Still, it couldn't have been easy." Ruki insists, putting his hand on Sho's broom. This, of course, forces the other boy to stop, and so he does, looking up only to be met with the concerned gaze of the only other student in the room. "Thank you for telling me."

Sho's eyes flicker down to Ruki's lips, then back at his eyes. "Of course."

It takes all of Sho's strength to return to the task at hand, pinning his gaze to the floor. He knows that Ruki's doing that thing where he bites his lower lip when he's worried, his eyebrows meeting at a point at the bridge of his nose. But he knows better than to look, to disturb the quiet peace of the classroom once more.

"This is for me?"

"Yeah."

With the way Ruki scrutinized the package, one would think it was a dangerous explosive as opposed to a small bar of chocolate wrapped in plastic. "Why?"

"Because," Sho crosses his arms, leaning back against the desk in front of Ruki's. Ruki hopes his seatmate won't mind. "It's Valentine's."

"February 14th, I'm aware." Ruki mumbles, still staring at the confectionary. Finally, he puts it down, looking Sho in the eye. "Isn't this usually reserved for couples?"

"For anyone who likes someone," Sho corrects, smiling a little. Ruki doesn't get why he does so. "I like you, remember?"

And Ruki did remember, so he nods. "But I turned you down."

"I know," the other boy says, and maybe it's just Ruki's imagination, but his ears are a little red. _Like an anime character,_ he thinks, then frowns. "Doesn't hurt to try again, though, does it?"

The chocolate is white, which is Ruki's favourite. It's wrapped in plastic that is mostly clear, safe from a few bunnies decorated on it, and — well, he loves bunnies. There's even a little bow made out of pink ribbon that he finds adorable, and it's in spite of all of this that he pushes the package across the desk, away from him and towards Sho. "I can't accept this."

 _He's laughing at me with his eyes,_ Ruki decides when he sees Sho raise an eyebrow. "Sure you can," the older boy says, pushing it back. "It's easy. You just gotta eat it."

"That would suggest I'm accepting your feelings, would it not?" Ruki asks, shaking his head. "I don't like you, Sho."

"I know that, but still." Sho shoves his hands in his pockets, sighing. "Just — take it, okay?"

"I'm sorry," Ruki is crossing his arms now, and he ignores the way Sho's shoulders slump. "I wasn't hoping to reject your advances more than once, but I really don't want you to get the wrong idea."

"It's just chocolate," Sho resists, frowning. "Think of it as something from a friend."

"But you said Valentine's is for —"

"I know what I said," Ruki doesn't understand why Sho won't let him finish, but he quickly closes his mouth. "Look, I stayed up making this for you. I even asked some of the girls for help. I want you to take it."

Looking at the chocolate, Ruki was surprised to hear about the amount of effort Sho had put into it. Because it really wasn't much — it wasn't sloppy, but it didn't look store quality either. It was average. "You know what I'm going to say."

Sho locked eyes with Ruki. His eyes were a warm brown, and it reminded Ruki of what chocolate usually looked like. "Fine," Sho concedes, getting up off the other desk. Before Ruki can change his mind, the older boy snatches up the chocolate and stuffs it in his pocket rather forcefully. "I'll just give it to Junki, or something."

"Or something," Ruki parrots, then smiles, bringing his palm up so he can put his chin in it. "I hope he'll enjoy it. It looks good."

"Yeah, well." Sho shrugs, still frowning. He takes two steps away from the desk, then pauses. "Happy Valentine's Day, Ruki."

Ruki nods once. "Happy Valentine's Day, Sho."

"You can come in, you know." Ruki says, without looking up.

Sho jumps in his place by the door, surprised the other boy noticed he was there. He laughs nervously as Ruki turns around, putting his guitar down. "You play well."

"I would hope so," the other boy responds, placing his pick on the desk in front of him. "I've been doing this for a while now."

"Is it your own?" Sho asks, still hovering by the door. He sees a seat beside Ruki but decides to ignore it. Instead, he runs his fingers up and down the door frame, looking down.

Ruki rubs his neck, and Sho wishes his hands were there instead. "The guitar? No. The music?" He pauses, and Sho's breath catches in his throat. Because, whether or not Ruki realises, he's smiling softly to himself, and Sho wants to freeze time. "Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, it's a work in progress," Ruki repeats, then looks at Sho out of the corner of his eye. "I didn't think I'd have an audience."

"Sorry about that," Sho mumbles distantly, but he doesn't mean it, and he's sure Ruki can tell with the way the ends of his mouth quirk up ever so slightly. "I was just heading home when I heard it."

"I see." And then Ruki's standing, and the whole world comes to a standstill as he looks Sho in the eye, equal parts nervous and excited. Sho swallows, hoping the colour of his face won't betray his uneasiness. He looks away. "Did you like it?"

"I did."

"You did?"

"Yeah," Sho says, nodding, and Ruki's smile widens. Sho frowns. "It reminded me of you."

Ruki pauses in the corner of the room, where he was packing up the guitar. "Of me," he repeats, softly, and Sho shrugs.

"It was beautiful." He says plainly, and Ruki's smile fades. "Like you."

There's a beat of silence, before Ruki sighs and continues placing the guitar in its case. He's quiet as he pulls the zipper around, and Sho watches the action keenly, hands in his pockets. It's when he finishes wrapping up, and stands, that Ruki's eyes meet Sho's again, and this time it's the shorter boy who breaks contact. "I wish you wouldn't say things like that."

Sho raises an eyebrow. "That your music was beautiful?"

"No, that I'm — that _I_ am the —" Ruki can't find the words, but Sho nods. "Because I'm not, really."

"Sure you are," Sho grins, and Ruki frowns, hoisting the guitar onto his shoulder. "I think so, anyway."

"I don't —"

"—like me, I'm aware." Sho finishes, and Ruki glares at the floor instead. It's cute in a way, Sho decides. "You've told me, multiple times."

"And I'll tell you again," Ruki sighs, and he runs a hand through his hair, and Sho wants to imprint the way his fringe falls back onto his forehead behind his eyelids. "I'm _really_ not interested."

"That's okay," Sho reaches for the guitar, ignoring Ruki's sounds of protest as he slings it onto his shoulder. "I'll wait for you."

Ruki fixes him with an unreadable look. "I'm not coming to you."

"That's okay, too." And he's walking into the hallway, with Ruki still frozen in the room. "I don't mind the wait."

"Mind if I sit?"

Sho watches Ruki jump at the sudden noise, grinning a little as he relaxes when noticing it's just the other boy. Ruki nods toward the seat opposite him. "Sure."

"You're alone," Sho comments, sliding into his seat, and Ruki shrugs. "Kosuke not in?"

"Fever," he answers, poking at his food with a fork. Sho looks at his own lunch tray as the pair lapsed into silence, comparing it with Ruki's, before frowning.

"Here," Sho pushes his brownie over to Ruki, who looks up, confused. "I saw you didn't have one."

Ruki smiles softly, taking a bite of his food. "That's alright. It's yours." 

"Not anymore," the taller boy argues, pushing it further. "Take it."

"This is becoming a painfully familiar scene, Sho." Ruki sighs, putting his fork down.

Sho lets go of the brownie. "I wouldn't say painful, exactly." He mumbles and hates how can feel Ruki's pity. 

"You offer me something. I turn you down. You try again. I turn you down again." he sighs, wistfully, and Sho's frown deepens. "You don't have to keep doing this, you know."

"I know, but I want to. I —"

"— _like you_. You like me. That's what you were going to say, right?" Ruki finishes for him, and Sho feels his stomach twist as he nods.

"I can't help it."

"I don't see the point of this." Ruki frowns, looking down at his tray. "You waste your time doing things for me, I waste my time turning you down."

Sho shakes his head with renewed vigour. "I don't see it as a waste of time. You do things like that for the person you like."

"Even if they don't like you back?"

" _Especially_ if they don't like you back." Seeing Ruki's confused expression, Sho sighs. "In Western cultures, what we're doing right now would be called _courtship._ Behaviour designed to persuade someone — you — to develop a romantic relationship with someone else — me."

"It's a fruitless ordeal," Ruki argues, shaking his head. "Things would be so much easier if you just — if you —"

"If I _what_ , Ruki?" Sho cuts in, and Ruki's expression softens, moulding into one of sadness that makes the other boy feel like he's just kicked a puppy. But he can't stop here. "Say it."

"If you just didn't like me at all." The other boy finishes quietly, grimacing at the weighty silence that overcomes both of them. "Sho, I —"

"It's easy for you, isn't it?" Sho says, and Ruki thinks he sounds more sad than anything else. "All you have to do is say no, over and over again, while I'm the one who's putting my heart on the line each time."

At that, Ruki glares at the table. "That's hardly fair," he mumbles, and Sho raises an eyebrow. "I don't _want_ to say no to you each time. I see the way it hurts you."

And he knows he's being desperate, but he doesn't care. "Then say yes," Sho says, and Ruki sighs, closing his eyes. "You never know until you try, Ruki."

"Alright, let's imagine I say yes." Ruki concedes, letting his head fall back against the edge of the chair's headrest. "You take me on a date. You pay for the food. You take me to a movie that I like, and you hate, just because you want to make me happy. But it's pointless, Sho." He opens his eyes, and Sho can't bring himself to look at them. "Because even if the food is good, and the movie's good, and _you're_ good, because you are, I can't like you. Not like this."

Sho swallows, hard. "You never know," he says again, but he knows his words fall on deaf ears.

"I don't want to hurt you," Ruki says, and the tears in his eyes must be contagious, but suddenly Sho's eyes sting. "I _never_ want to hurt you. I want to see you happy, always. But you won't find that with me."

"You don't know that," Sho whispers, and he's shaking his head, but Ruki's still not hearing what he's trying to say. "You can't decide what makes me happy."

"Find someone else, Sho." Now Ruki's standing, and Sho still can't meet his gaze. "I just — I can't be the one for you."

"You — You never know until you —"

"—until I try, right?" Ruki's smiling sadly, his tray shaking ever so slightly in his hands. "That's the problem, then. I'm just too scared to try." 

At that, Sho finally looks up. "I'll wait, Ruki."

But Ruki's already walking away. "You shouldn't."

It's been five years since Sho graduated, but he can still remember the way the cherry blossoms fell from the trees, littering the ground as he walked over to get his diploma. He can still remember how his mother cried, nails digging into the small of his back as she hugged him and told him she saw beautiful things in his future. He remembers Junki slinging an arm over his shoulder, laughing as he looked back on the last four years spent together, tactfully ignoring the fact that they were going to different universities, apart for the first proper time in their lives.

Most of all, he remembers catching Ruki's eye just as he was about to leave the building. He remembers seeing the amalgamation of anxiousness and sadness in them, and how it stopped him from calling out the other's name the way he wanted to. The way Ruki gave him a soft smile, nodding ever so slightly before attending to someone calling his name, he'll never forget. In fact, it's the first thought that comes to mind as he stands at the gates of their high school once again. But he knows its pointless, so he shakes his head and heads in, ready to see the building once more.

 _It's smaller,_ Sho first thinks, before realising it only seems that way because he's grown. The high school was no longer rife with possibilities and 'what ifs' to him — now, it was just the site of several memorable friendships and a failed romance. It no longer had any space for his dreams. 

He nods to a janitor as he heads into an empty classroom, pleasantly surprised that she still remembers his name. It's only after he's sitting at a desk by the window, the sun shining brightly onto the fading wood, that he realises it's _Ruki's_ desk, and he lets his head fall onto it. There's barely any trace of him left, but if he closes his eyes, he can imagine that he's back in high school, still waiting for the day the shorter boy might turn around and smile at him and take his hand and —

Sho forces his eyes open. If it wasn't a possibility all those years ago, then it definitely wouldn't be one now, he decides. So he stands up, tracing the dents in the desk gently before tucking the chair in.

"Have you forgotten where you sat already?" A voice by the door says, and Sho's heart leaps into his throat. A flurry of emotions ravage his thoughts, but he forces them all down, ignoring them in favour of turning to the door.

"You're here." Sho says, and he means it more like a question. _You're here?_ he wants to say. _After all these years, you're still here?_

"Of course," Ruki smiles, and then he's heading toward Sho and Sho can't remember how to breathe. "It's been a long time, but I'm here."

"A long time." Sho repeats, then laughs to himself. "To say the least."

"I hope you've been well," the younger boy says. "We haven't really stayed in touch, have we?"

"No, we haven't." Sho hates how forced this conversation is, but he doesn't know how to make it any better. He wasn't sure he's _ever_ really made it better, with Ruki. "But I'm okay. You?"

"I'm alright," Ruki nods toward the chalkboard. Sho raises an eyebrow. "Wanna draw something?"

Sho opens his mouth, then realises he has nothing to say, so he trails behind the other boy and finds himself with a piece of chalk in his hand and Ruki by his side. He takes a deep breath and draws a line. Then another. _They're parallel_ , he thinks, and laughs at the irony. _Two lines that can never meet, separate forever._

"I do this a lot with my students," Ruki's saying, so Sho listens. "We draw whatever we're thinking, all together. It's easier than saying it out loud, after all."

"You're a teacher," Sho says by way of question, and Ruki nods. 

"I've always loved kids," Ruki explains, and Sho smiles a little. "And I liked school, believe it or not."

"It suits you. Though I always thought you'd be a songwriter, or something." Sho brings the chalk back to the board again, pretending not to notice the way Ruki's steady hand momentarily falters before he continues with his drawing. "Do you still play?"

"From time to time. The kids like hearing it." Ruki doesn't look away from the board, so Sho looks at him. He takes him in, fully, because he doesn't know if he'll be able to again. 

"They've got good taste, then." Sho smiles, and Ruki looks at him with an unreadable expression. It makes Sho uneasy, so he looks back at his drawing. 

They stay like that for a while, drawing in silence, each sneaking peeks at the other's scribbles but never fully understanding what it was building towards. Eventually, Ruki puts his chalk down, dusting his hands on his jeans, and Sho only hesitates for a second before doing the same. 

"Can I see what you've drawn?" Ruki asks, curiosity evident in the glint in his eyes. Sho feels like he's being studied, or something.

"Sure," he says, and reveals the drawing. It's not the best, but he's sure that Ruki understands it with the way his eyes soften and the corner of his mouth tilts upward. "It's you."

"I can tell," Ruki replies, and laughs a little, shaking his head. "Am I looking out of the window, here?"

"Yeah," Sho explains, eyes strictly on the drawing. "You often sat like this in class. I always wondered what you were thinking about."

"Nothing, really." The other boy answers, following the lines of the sketch with his gaze. "Just how pretty the sky was, or how boring math was."

"Makes sense," Sho laughs, and Ruki does too. "Well, that's enough of mine. Let me see your drawing."

At that, Ruki's smile fades, and his face adopts a nervous expression similar to the one Sho remembers from their graduation. "It's only fair, isn't it?" He says, more to himself than Sho, and takes a deep breath. "Here goes."

As soon as he sees the drawing, Sho's breath catches in his throat. "Ruki," He says, because its the only word that he can think of at that moment. "What is this?"

"I didn't think you'd make me say it out loud." Ruki mumbles, a slight blush tinting his cheeks. He keeps his eyes on the floor. "It's love."

Sho can hardly believe what's hearing. "This... this is what love is, to you?"

"I only realised it about a year after we graduated," Ruki explains, fiddling with his fingers. He locks and separates them, the way he always has when he's nervous, and Sho's shoulders relax a little. "I kept wondering why I couldn't stop thinking of you. I thought I was just feeling strange, so used to your constant confessions that now the absence of them made me feel uneasy. But then I started seeing you everywhere."

"What — what do you mean?"

"You were in every smile I saw, every laugh I heard. I saw the shadow of you in a pretty flower, a whisper of you in every sunrise in the morning." Ruki's getting increasingly red, and Sho's feeling increasingly lightheaded. "It was when I saw the first snowfall that year, that I realised it was love. I only regret that it took me so long to realise."

"Yeah," Sho says, the only word he can muster. He takes a deep breath, and Ruki looks up. "Do you really mean all... this?"

Ruki looks back at his drawing. "I drew us in the snow." He says, and it's all the answer Sho needs. He feels the tension leave his body through a heavy sigh, and Ruki smiles. "That's what love is, to me."

"You told me," Sho begins, taking a step toward the other boy. "That waiting was pointless. You told me to move on. That you couldn't make me happy the way I deserved to be."

At that, Ruki shrugs. "I hope I'm not wrong in thinking you haven't given up just yet."

Sho looks at Ruki. _Really_ looks at him. He looks at the curve of his face, the part of his lips, the twinkle in his eye. He runs his eyes over his hair, his eyelashes, his jaw. He closes his eyes, trying to make sense of it all, and takes in a deep breath. "You're not."

"That's a relief," Ruki laughs, and Sho lets the sound envelop him. "Sho?"

"Yeah?"

"I like you," and with that, Sho's eyes are open again. "In a not friend way. In fact, one could even say that I love you." Ruki shifts his weight from foot to foot, biting the inside of his cheek. "Will you accept my feelings?"

 _If I died right now,_ Sho thinks, closing the distance between the two of them in a way he'd only ever dreamed about since high school, _I wouldn't mind._ His hands are on Ruki's waist, and Ruki's hands are in his hair, and they're so close to one another he can't tell where he ends and Ruki begins. But it doesn't matter, because he's so happy he thinks he might _pass out_ , and it's everything he wanted and more. _This is the man I love,_ Sho thinks, as Ruki sighs against him. _And he loves me back._

"Ruki," he says, when they part for air. "Go out with me."

The other boy smiles, his eyes shining and his lips pinker than before. He takes Sho's hand in his and squeezes, and Sho revels in how well the two of them fit together. "Of course." 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! comments are greatly appreciated~
> 
> [twitter](twitter.com/bffsei)


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